finally, an update about my life.


I know i was MIA for quite a long time.
honestly, i dont know how far i can go with this "changing" process,
at first, it was hard, coming back to Malaysia,
to my old environment.
and frankly, it is still hard for me, living as the "new" me.

up until now, i still think that i changed too fast.
but it took me a whole year to muster up my courage to slowly change.
a year is not a short time hajar!
but its hard, to put a barrier between me and my-sibling-like-cousins,
to constantly put on tudung when people come to my house.
but i'll try, death wont wait for you to change for it to come !!

tho im happy that im by mom's side,
i still cant change the fact that we're troubled with all the money and family problems.
and honestly, i envy my friends so much,
to have a supporting, loving family.
they're all very rich too.
i know everyone is challenged in different ways.
but it has been very hard on me and mom.
2 of my brothers got into an accident each, last ramadhan.
with the health complications, come the money complications.
tho im relieved that both of them are safe :)

and friends........
i dont know who are my friends anymore.
no one seems to like me,
no one seems to want me as their friend.
with the happy day approaching, i see no one to share it with anymore.

maybe i'm just having another pre-mens syndrome.
but i'm really down since i got back to malaysia,


  1. don't think that way. Allah must have missed you so much to give those tests to you. :) take care and istiqamah. i'm here if you need me :)

  2. Maybe you have been looking for people who don't like you that's why you feel lonely which is absurd as I know you have an army of great best friends who will always have your back, and a distant former best friend who still do care about you. Open your eyes, count your blessings. :) things will be fine, insyaAllah. remember; you're luckier than you think! :)

  3. Zie : thanks girl :)

    anonymous : i guess i should take your words in mind, i've been an ungrateful being all along.